Wailing Into The Void

So said one cop to another as I filed past among the thousands who had just witnessed one of the most monumental  and memorable showdowns in the history of competitive sport (if you consider stuffing your face with food to be a sport, that is.  And why wouldn’t you?  ESPN was there to put their imprimatur on the event.  Are you more of an authority on sports than ESPN?  Of course you aren’t).  It was Ali-Frazier, Borg-McEnroe and Fisher Spassky all rolled into one.

The 92nd annual Nathan’s International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest was poised to be one for the ages before it even began.  The field was large and the credentials of all of the competitors were quite impressive, but most if not all of the eyes of the estimated 30,000 spectators who jammed the intersection of Surf and Stillwell Avenues on this overcast day were on two men: the great champion Takeru Kobayashi from Japan and the number one contender Joey Chestnut from San Jose.

Kobayashi is the Babe Ruth of competitive hot dog eating, a man who has truly redefined the sport.  He came into today having won this contest for the past six consecutive years, breaking the world’s record for most HDBs (that’s hot dogs and buns for the uninitiated among you) consumed in a twelve minute span on four of those occasions.  When he first won the contest in 2001 he shattered the previous record of 25⅛ by woofing down 50 hot dogs.  That’s like somebody coming along and hitting 140 home runs in a single season or performing a sixteen-foot high jump.  It boggles the mind.

But as we Americans watched the young man from Japan win the title each year on our most hallowed national holiday many among us surely felt a tinge of collective humiliation mixed in with the awe.  I mean, this is a contest based on gluttonous consumption of food and Americans are hands-down the most gluttonous consumers of food on Earth.  Yet there seemed to be no one among us who could rise up and put an end to Kobayashi’s dominance.  Was this yet another sign of American decline?  Was all hope lost for our once great and proud country?

It may have seemed so, but as Kobayashi racked up impressive win after impressive win a new legend was being born out West.  A civil-engineering student from San Jose State University was fast rising through the ranks of competitive eaters, tearing through plates of waffles and chicken wings at record clips and capturing the hearts and imaginations of a public that was desperate for a reason to believe again.

Last year, this upstart, this wunderkind, this phenomenon, this Joey Chestnut nearly upset Kobayashi  at the 91st annual Nathan’s International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest, leading most of the way before ultimately going down to defeat 53¾ to 52.  With Chestnut setting a new hot dog eating record last month with 59½ and Kobayashi suffering from a jaw injury it seemed like we might be set for a changing of the guard this time around.

While I was torn over whom to root for (on the one side you’ve got an all-time great shucking off pain and injury to answer the bell and on the other side you’ve got an American) it seemed like there was much more support for Chestnut in the crowd, regardless of whether or not I was correct in assuming that every Asian-looking person in attendance was Japanese and then by default a Kobayashi fan.  Chants of “USA! USA!” rung out as Chestnut broke out to an early lead and looked as if we would turn the competition into a rout.  As the minutes ticked off the clock Chestnut began to slow his pace and the sure and steady Kobayashi began to narrow the gap.  Late in the contest Kobayashi drew even and then Chestnut pulled ahead by one.  Then they were tied again.  Then Chestnut was back up by one.  It seemed to go back and forth like this for quite some time.

When time expired the posted score was 63 to 63.  A tie!  Amazing! Well now what?  It went to the judges.  The host explained that the judges would examine all the detritus left on each contestant’s plate to determine who had actually eaten the most.  After all the dust settled the final decision went to Chestnut, 66-63.  Huh?  Where did the extra three HDBs come from?  At this point I supposed that the women who were manually keeping score above each contestant’s head had actually screwed up.  Maybe it wasn’t actually as close as it appeared at the end.  Later I would also find out that the judges were also reviewing a case of possible regurgitation on Kobayashi’s part (eww!).  Kobayashi was cleared (phew!), meaning that the judges determined that if he did vomit, none of the puke got past his mouth (yech!).

Despite the wait, the confusion, the mild incompetence and the interrupted hurling, we all knew we had indeed seen hot dawg history.  Two men at the top of their games went head to head and achieved what no two men had ever achieved before in the history of mankind, and I was fortunate enough to be there when it happened.  Will I ever again witness something so wonderful?  Will any of us?